February 1, 2008

Okay so I took a little break from blogging, and any journal writing all together. The holidays were pretty busy with all the normal activities, a trip to visit my family for a couple of days, plus musical numbers I was involved in each week (with the young women, 3 firesides, a ward christmas play, sacrament meetings, recording and burning cd's to pass out, etc.) Shopping, decorating, and so forth.
Now it's a new year, and I'm excited about it. We have a lot of cool things planned, including another get-away trip for Anthony & I in 2 months. We booked a cruise for the caribbean again, but to new destinations of course, some of which I'd never heard of. Samana, and Tortola... I dont care that much where we end up, actually, everywhere in the caribbean is nice! I'm just super excited to get back onto a cruise ship & have that completely care-free vacation feeling, and spend a week with Anth alone. I hope the experience with this cruise line (Norwegian) is just as nice as with Holland America.
My awesome sister Natalie and her hubbie Tyler & 2 boys are coming to stay at our house while we're gone and take care of our children. I'm really happy about that. Going away on a trip isn't as enjoyable if you have any worries about the kids at home. This is situation I feel good about. Natalie is very capable and has the right personality for this kind of responsibilty; meaning, I wont be concerend with whether she's getting stressed out or not, like I would with my own mother & dad, or even Anthony's parents, although, less with them. (Actually, with my parents, it's more my dad that I worry about with our kids there because they'd be a distraction to them with the schooling & other tasks they need to get done - thats really important to my dad to not have it interrupted) SO, I am so glad Natalie volunteered. I actually never even thought of asking her before. We love her so much; she's really great, someone you can rely on with something like this.
So. what else. We also are planning a trip to Disneyland at the end of the year, when Kayla turns 2, and once the rides at Disneyland (like It's A Small World) are open again, as they are being updated and under construction for most of the year.
Joseph will play football this summer. Anthony & I went to a crab feed / fundraiser dinner for the Jr. Eagles in Elk Grove last night. We got to mingle with other parents & meet Joseph's coach. Joseph is absolutely in love with football and is excited to play. It's for sure his favorite sport, maybe even favorite thing. I think it's good; I like to see him want to do something active. Sports are really good for boys. And girls too. And it's really cute. He talks about professional teams and players, watches games, even when he's alone, knows more about it than I do, for sure, and even beats his dad at Madden '08 on the x-box 360. The other night Anthony, who is absolutely shocked at how good Joseph is at the game, being that Joseph had beat him once or twice already, was determined to beat him. I mean, he was talking with his tough but silly voice "You're goin' down, Joseph! I'm gonna kick your butt!" etc. but was actually serious, and wanted to prove to himself I think, that he could win his six year old son. A couple minutes later I hear him yelling in disbelief and laughing, blown away that Joseph won. It was hilarious.
I registered Joshua for kindergarten last week, so he's ready to go this fall. He had to catch up on immunizations, however, before being able to register. Poor little guy had to get six, I think, different shots. It was pretty dramatic. I wasn't thinking about what a dramatic little personality JOshie actually does have when I took him in. He was acting so brave about the whole thing leading up to the big moment, that I didn't realize how he would fall apart once the poking started. Joseph was really tough for his kindergarten shots, so I guess that's what I was remembering, therefore expecting. Far from it. Joshua whimpered and then burst into tears with the first finger prick, which is really quite painless. So I knew I'd have to hold him down for the rest. He was crying pretty loudly and saying things like "Stop! Stop! Please stop" & "It hurts more than anything!" (so dramatic sounding it actually made me want to laugh a little...I know, I'm cruel). Although the shots were over quickly, the drama wasn't. Josh continued to cry and whimper and fuss in the dr.'s office, in the car, and throughout the day. He really milked it, any sympathy and attention he could get. I should've known; he went through a little phase a few months ago like this, where he'd act dramatic and want attention for the tiniest boo-boos. He even fell down on purpose so he could tell me he was hurt and needed a bandaid. !! I wasn't particularly sweet about it. "Josh, you're fine. Dont be silly. You're four years old, you're a big boy. Be a little tougher." etc. were the type of responses he would get. Perhaps that's why he did it. If I had just played along and given him the dramatic pampering he desired, he may have dropped the act and moved on to something else! Anyway. Who knows. It is definitely interesting to see the differences in your kids and yet love them equally.
We had a fun family night a few hours later, for Joshua's sake, having gone through horrible shots. We drove out to John's Incredible Pizza Company in Roseville and enjoyed the evening together. We were going to go to Chuck-e-Cheese (the boys request) but once Anthony discovered they had a John's Incredible pizza here in Roseville (we had been to it once in Fresno with my family & it was a LOT better - better tasting pizza, better games, rides, bigger, nicer, newer, etc.) Chuck-e-Cheese was forgotten, and the boys were fine with it. They had a lot of fun. I did too. I loved doing the bumper cars with my two boys; Anthony got it on homevideo.

I cant believe Kayla is having her first birthday next week. She seems too small to me to be 1 year old already. Especially since she wont walk! Both of my boys were walking before 1, starting at 10 months. She's just not ready yet, almost like she's not "in the mood"... an attitude of I just dont feel like it, when we try to help her practice.

Halloween this year was pretty fun. We went to a ward halloween ho-down the weekend before the big night came. THese pictures are from that. As you can see I was a witch, kind of, only because the hat was $2 in BelAir and I thought to myself that it would go good with little Kayla's black kitty costume. I hadn't planned to dress up but what the heck. Joseph and Josh were in black also as a ninja and a skeleton. They had a lot of fun at the ward party, mostly jumping on the trampoline and running around with all the kids. They had hayride and pony rides going on, and then a trunk or treat. Simple... Wednesday night we went up and down our street trick or treating after pizza and rootbeer at our house with Anth's family (Bob & Wendy, Aaron & Joyce and kids, Jared & Dusty and kids) plus my mom & half of the kids. My mom decided to come stay Tuesday night and Wednesday night & do Halloween Rancho Murieta style this year since their moutain nieghborhood really doesnt work for small kids. It waas fun. Wild, a bit messy, and by the end of the visit we all felt totally sick from the junk food, but what can you do, Holidays come once a year. It has just always been a bummer to me that all three junk-food holidays come once a year three months in a row - bam bam bam, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I always overeat. It's terrible.

Pumpkin Patch

...There's a really cute pumpkin patch in Wilton (about 25 min. from us) that we want to go back to each fall as a simple family tradition. The piece of property is pretty, the farmer (Bob, I believe...arent they all called Bob?) is super friendly. He takes the kids on hayrides all day, and they have adorable animals the kids can pet and hold, etc. The pumpkins are darn expensive, but thats ok, we visit the pumpkin patch for the experience and the photos, then buy our pumpkins at the grocery store or Costco.

~Kayla likes this pumpkin~

~Joseph and Evelyn, Little Farmers~

~Aaron cito (this is Anthony's brother Aaron's son; he & Joyce have 3 girls also)

Cito turned 1 at the end of September~

I love these photos of Kayla with mommy (yes, me)... I drained them of color so they weren't such a bright orange tint.

~Raspberries~

Kayla is definitely a little lady. There is a huge difference from the boys! She acts like the girly girl that she is, but, she loves to spit. Ah well, cant complain, because it is so darn cute.

Pokemon Party

I've been planning and preparing for Joseph's birthday party this past week. I threw him a Pokemon Party. Even though I always 'knew' my kids wouldn't be into Pokemon. I swore they wouldn't watch it, because I thought it was obnoxious; too many battle noises & too many weird japanese animated facial expressions. But then I took a chill pill and realized it's not a big deal. Kids love it because of all the different pokemon creatures with cool names and cool powers and all the information they have to memorize, and boy, do they memorize it! it's amazing all the stats and HPs and damage levels, pokemon types, powers, names of each one and what they evolve into. It's a headache to me! But I allow my boys to watch it (just not everyday or I go crazy) and play with their pokemon cards, but I dont play with them. I tried once and it's a foreign language. I couldn't understand it and frankly didnt want to take the time that it takes to learn! But the party was adorable. You know me, I cant just do simple. I cant do boring! So it was really cute. I get that from mom – going just a little bit overboard on the fun factor. Mom made everything fun. Each holiday and birthday, (which is like every couple of weeks throughout the year!) was always decorated and had all kinds of craziness. But I am trying to cut back, to be a fun mom, yes, but only do what I can handle. I’ve learned to let go if something’s not working out and becoming a hassle whereas I used to push it to the limit and stubbornly try to make it work, putting way too much time into a creative idea gone wild than anyone ever should. Ah, Sigh. So for this party, I didn’t go Crazy, but I did: make the invitations look like Pokeballs (do you know what those are?) My kitchen table was made to look like one also, that’s where they put their gifts. Oh and the cake was a pokeball too; looked cool. I made Starmie Sandwiches and Pokemon Punch for the party food (Starmie is a pokemon shaped like a star - I made grilled cheese sandwiches and used a star cookie cutter) and for pokemon punch we just put rainbow sherbert in the Sprite. After the boys ate the food (13 of them at 3 small tables set up in the backyard!) we played Pokemon Bingo. They loved it. I printed out their bingo cards (with pokemon characters on each square) that I found online. We used pennies & nickles for markers and the winner got to keep all the coins. After Bingo we rushed them through decorating their cupcakes with yellow frosting & candies to look like Pikachu, oh, after they sang Happy Birthday and Joseph blew out the #6 candle on his pokeball cake. Then we did presents. The time went by so quickly that we didn't have time to play the second game I had prepared which was going to be a "catch 'em all, eat 'em all" candy hunt and pokemon trivia. Oh well. Leftover candy for me. The boys all had a great time, they really enjoyed just playing. I let them play for the first 1/2 hour; half of them in joseph's room, half of them surrounding the computer in the office looking at pokemon stuff. That's also why we ran out of time so fast! Joseph was having a blast with that many boys over to play, Joshua too. They all wanted to stay when their moms came to pick them up, so i'm glad they liked it. The cutest thing was the pikachu hats I made for them to wear, and the little red circles I fingerpainted on their cheeks.

Gotta Love 'Em!

I'm so glad we had two boys first, two little buddies, followed by a little princess baby sister. It's fun, they're gonna be her body-guards in a few years.

& I love her face in this photo!

My Future Missionaries

Elder Telford and Elder Telford. They dressed up for family night in their missionary clothes and badges, holding their scriptures and wearing big smiles. Daddy wasn't aware of their adorable little surprise until the doorbell rang and they were standing on the porch. I had rehearsed with them what to say, and they fumbled through it. "Hi, my name is Elder Telford & this is my companion, Elder Telford." "We are missionaries." Anthony asked them what church they were from & they told him. Then Joseph said "We have a message for you, can we sit down?" "Yeah" Josh piped in, "About Joseph Smith." "We need to tell you about Joseph Smith." We had a good scriptural discussion on their level, and it was flippin adorable. Mainly, it makes me happy to see my sons embrace gospel truths that we teach on a daily basis, remember the things they hear, and ask me questions all the time. They have perfect faith at this age, and no pride, either. They are so comfortable talking about things of a spiritual nature, angels, the Holy Ghost, Jesus, and Heavenly Father, as if they were friends with them. "Mom, when is Jesus coming down? When can we see Heavenly Father again? Did the spirit tell you that, Mom? Does that make Heavenly Father sad?" etc. And Joseph goes around singing that primary song "Listen to the still small voice, Listen, listen, If you have to make a choice, He will guide you, Always."

Cool Bros

These little dudes are soooo much fun. I love them to death. Love every little detail, things that often go unnoticed by adults. I love the way they think and the things they say. I try to see things from their perspective. That actually helps me a lot in parenting, teaching, and disciplining. These little guys have a great life. A Dad and Mom that love them and spend lots of time with them, and who are often strict and stern; we take the job of raising young men seriously! But we are goofy and fun too. It's a blast.

Kayla is changing a lot in her personality lately. She’s 8 months old now, and acts more grown up. I’ve noticed a little difference in her intelligence, physical abilities, and attitude. It’s cute. Last night she screamed very loudly, just for fun, just to hear her own voice, but it startles us and we always say “Kayla! No-no, be quiet”. Well, anth did that again but this time he said it in a more stern sounding voice (although just teasing) and swatted her diapered bum. Gently, of course, he was being cute with her but 8 month olds don’t understand teasing and if the voice doesn’t sound soft and sweet and cooing at them, they interpret it as negative emotion. So, she took offense and got angry. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. She lifted both of her hands up, clenched her fists and kept them raised towards Anthony, who was standing above her, while making a “mad” sound and very mad face. We both watched her wide-eyed and chuckling because it was such a grown up baby thing to do, and seemed so advanced for our little Kayla. Our sweet little girl got my calm, content, happy traits, but she also inherited daddy’s temper, I think.
Hmm. We’ll have to keep an eye on this…

Happy 4th

This year celebrated a happy 4th for Independence Day, of course, but also for Joshie's birthday. Joshua turned 4 years old on the 4th of July, and he enjoyed celebrating both events.

We woke him up with a blueberry muffin with a lit candle in it singing happy birthday to you while he was in the top bunk. Rancho Murieta has a cute parade & carnival at Lake Clementia each year, and of course a spectacular fireworks show once it's dark out. Although it was super hot and Kayla got cranky at the end, we enjoyed swimming at the lake and all of the carnival activities, including free lunch and an awesome slip-n-slide. We also went to Uncle Ned & Aunt Karen's house for a bbq and more swimming later on in the afternoon. Good food and company, and we sang to Joshua again with cupcakes and a few presents from his cousins. Lucky boy got very cool toys: SpiderMan on a motorcycle, Ninja Turtle on a motorcycle, a StarWars Transformer (spaceship into ObiWan) and Transformer's Optimus Prime. We got home just in time to change into our pj's, grab a few things and load it into the back of mom & dad's golf cart which we were able to borrow because they were out of town. It was a perfect way to end the day. The night air feels so nice cruising along in a golf cart on a warm summer night with your little kids piled around you. It was simple and happy. We loved the 10 min. "drive" over to the new bridge that crosses over to the North side where we found a place to park and enjoy the show, which started about 5 min. after we found a spot on the lawn that surrounds the lake. It was fun to see the awesome fireworks. Kayla did well considering the cannons were so loud and she was trying to sleep. I love the 4th of July; one of these years I'm going to throw a patriotic party for Joshua's birthday while he's still young enough that he doesn't care about it not being 'cool'. Maybe we're past that point already, though. I couldn't do it this year but I have such cute ideas, and I love Patriotic Americana stuff (decorations, crafts, activities, treats, trivia, quotes, games) Even the invitations are going to be adorable -- popsicle sticks painted red & white, a couple of them half blue with tiny silver stars, all bundled up tied with ribbon, so that when you untie it and lay it out you make the flag and read the party info (written with permanent marker) I love it! Anyway...one of these years.

Family Home Evening

Last night was family night. We had a simple lesson "keep the commandments". We started with Joseph offering a little prayer, and then all of us singing together the hymn (keep the commandments). The boys did good following along. We talked for a minute about how much we loved them when they were first born, how we wanted them to grow up and be safe & happy. When they were little toddlers we had simple rules that we had to enforce to protect them, like Dont go in the street, cant play with something dangerous, no climbing high, etc. Now as they grow older, they have to make some of their own choices to keep themselves safe & happy. Behavior becomes more important as we grow, following the rules of kindness, using manners, in order to be happy. So we talked about that kind of thing for a few minutes, then Anthony read them a cute story about a mother bear protecting her cubs by training them to listen to her warning when danger was near. She had taught them to climb the tree if she gave a signal, so that when a cougar came, they could be out of harm's way while she fought. It was a simple story, on their level so they could understand easily. Joseph said, "oh, so we need to listen to mom when she gives warnings." After the discussion part, we did a little activity about following direction and keeping the rules by playing a "look for the next clue" hunt. Joseph did so good reading the clues, I was totally impressed. Even big words like "attitude" "office" and "circles". He didn't have to sound them out, he just read them! Anyway, each clue lead to the next one, but each had specific things they had to do along the way. Like "Do jumping jacks down the hallway to the office", "Spin around in circles as you walk to mommy & daddy's room" "Hop and clap all the way to the kitchen, then look under the sink" and "Crawl into your bedroom then look in the drawers". They followed each instruction exactly and giggled all the way. They loved it! but some of the directions they read weren't so easy or fun. The clue they found under the sink read "Help mom do the dishes. And remember to have a good attitude. Then look under the piano for the next clue." They wanted to go straight to that piano so bad! They didn't want to wait, especially to do boring dishes. They were excited to get the prize. But I reminded them (as they were inching their way towards the piano) that if they didn't follow the rules, even the boring or hard ones, they wouldn't receive the prize/happy ending. So they said, "Oh yeah!" and cheerfully helped me unload and load the dishwasher. It was adorable. They had great attitudes. Once the clean dishes were put away, dirty ones cleared, rinsed and loaded, and soap put in & buttons pushed, they ran to the next clue. There was one more clue that had instructions that weren't so fun. "Go get ready for bed. Put on your jammies, brush your teeth, then find the last one on daddy's lap in the living room." They raced and got ready for bed, and then found the prize with dad: our family night treat (crunch bar icecream bars) with Happy in Heaven written on this last notecard. I think they really got the message, because it was simple and fun. Follow the directions even if they're not what you want to do, and avoid the temptation to skip some rules/pick and choose which instruction you want to obey, and you will win the prize.
Anyway, I enjoyed it. They were so cute and they are so smart. I like seeing them learn important concepts and understand basic gospel principles at such a young age.

Kayla is 7 months old now and is such a good girl. She has been the easiest baby experience I have been blessed to have. She is easy natured and happy. Sometimes she is quiet and calm, sometimes she is extremely loud, much more so than my boys were. She likes to scream for fun, and "sing" - just a constant noise coming from her mouth. She likes her blankies, dollies and teddy bears; she actually gets excited when she sees her toys sometimes, which I find interesting because the boys showed no interest in objects. They didn't even want their pacifiers. Kayla is a pacifier girl, but she also likes to suck her thumb or fingers if there's not one around.

She just learned to sit up this past week. She sits very well now, for minutes at a time, and when she's tired she just flops over, twists to her belly and tries to get in a crawling position. She can't get up on her hands yet, but she does good with her lower-half, pushing up to her tippy-toes!

We love this little girl soooo much, (duh! sounds silly when you say it) I'm so thankful we got our girl after our two adorable boys. It was definitely a surprise to me. I was amazed when I saw the ultrasound. I had prepared myself for another boy, since that seemed the more likely thing to happen. I love the differences between my sons and my daughter. There's so much more joy and love that comes with each kid!! So fun, we're loving it.

End of the School Year thoughts...

Joseph graduated from kindergarten this morning. All of the students in the 4 kindergarten classes presented a patriotic ceremony for the parents. Joseph's part was to say "This means we promise to be loyal" when the class recited "We pledge allegiance to the flag". They sang patriotic songs and then walked up to the podium to receive their certificate when the principal announced their name. It was adorable, but ridiculous that they are having full-out graduation ceremonies for each grade now, even before they get to grades. I think they do it for preschool also! Anyway... It's amazing that the school year is done already and that my son is so big, going into first grade after this summer break. Wow! He is growing so fast. He weighs 60 pounds and is 46'' I think. And he acts different now, talks like a big kid. However, he still is super sweet and thoughtful Joseph. That is my favorite trait of his; his thoughtful and kind nature without prompting. He picks a flower (wild flowers) for me almost every day. He fills glasses of icewater for me and for his dad often. If he hears one of us say to the other that we need something, he'll run and get it before we can. He wants to help, most of the time. He thinks of his brother Josh enough times to make me feel proud. And Joshua thinks of Joseph too. I love it. Those are the moments that make me so happy as a mom. I am so very happy as a mom, and as a wife to Anthony. I walked down the street last night to the mailbox. It was late, 11:30, and the sky was lit by the moon. My heart swelled with happiness and gratitude, as it often does, and I thanked my Father in heaven for Anthony, for Joseph, for Joshua, and for Kayla. I thanked him for my parents and siblings. I thanked him for Bob and Wendy and all of the family and friends I have been privleged to know. I thanked him for my health, my intellect, my foundation and testimony, and for the opportunity for my spirit to grow while here on this earth, the opportunity to experience this joy of living this mortal life. I am so flippin happy! I feel so humbled when I think of my situation and blessings, and put things into perspective. I am thankful for the disappointments and pain that I have felt that have made me wiser, stronger and more spiritually mature. June 2007. We have been married seven years now, and it's just getting better. This point is a fun time. I love the kid's ages. Joseph almost 6, Joshie almost 4, and Kayla almost 7 months is so fun! They are each absolutely adorable in different ways and we love it. I am so grateful that they are healthy, but even more that they are happy because they're being raised in a peaceful, loving environment, a safe area, and with deep spiritual influence from their parents who love the gospel. I wish each child could have the good life that my children have. My heart breaks when i think about the way some kids have to grow up, the awful situations they have to accept and adjust to. I know Heavenly Father's heart breaks too, but he sees the greater picture and knows that he cannot interfere with our agency.

Sunday Afternoon

It's 3:00 on this beautiful spring sabbath afternoon. Our family is enjoying some quiet time. Anthony and Kayla are napping, Joseph's lying on the living room floor watching a cartoon and Joshua is sipping applejuice from a straw while I get in some journal time.
In an hour we will walk down the street (2 houses) to mom & dad's for dinner. They just got back from Washington DC and being that they missed Anth's b-day on Wednesday of this week they invited us for dinner. Anthony's birthday was a good day. He took the day off work. I let him sleep in by taking Joseph to school for him, and then taking Joshua & Kayla with me to the gym. After working out, I quickly got my hair trimmed at Super Cuts, hoping that josh would behave and that Kayla would stay sasleep by my feet in her carseat...it all turned out okay. I was trying to rush back to pick up Joseph from Stacy by noon, so I left a little early from the hair cut, not getting the layered look that I wanted, unfortunately, but no big deal. However Anth called as I was leaving Super Cuts to say that I didn't need to rush back because he was getting Joseph from Stacy and would meet us in Folsom for lunch, so I could have stayed a little longer to finish the layers but oh well! We met at Pita Pita, our favorite sit-down but fast food restaurant. Shwerma, falafel, basmati rice, yummy sauce, pitas, hummus, mmmm.... So Anth was happy already. Two of his main three sources of happiness had be fulfilled: sleep, and food! :) It was just a great, kick-back day that we spent together as a family. For dinner we drove back out to Folsom to his sister Christine's house for a Telford family dinner because Scott's family, Star & the girls were in town, and also to have cake & icecream for Anth's b-day.
We enjoyed the visit. The kids had a great time, as always. My boys love playing there. We adults had fun too, talking and laughing until it was time for cake. The boys helped me decorate daddy's "28 is Great" cake with oreos and candles; it was pretty cute. They also made a cd with my help for their dad. "28 is Great" Joshua recorded on the mic with his adorable 3 yr. old voice, and then Joseph said,"28 reasons why we love daddy" followed by 28 things we thought of together, taking turns saying them. It turned out really cute.
Anthony can't believe that he's twenty-eight years old, has been out of highschool for a decade, and has been married to me for seven years now.

Sometimes it gets me too, but even weirder than the fact that we're getting older and have been together for 7 years here on earth is the fact that we will be together for endless years throughout the eternities. We will never be seperated; Anthony and I are one, and will be side by side forever with no end. THAT is what boggles my mind! It's always pointless to ponder on such things of eternity so far in the future and of us having no end, etc. because I dont think our brains were designed to comprehend it at this stage of our existence. But even though I cant comprehend or understand it, I do believe it. I know it's true and that's that. I love that I have been blessed with simple faith. I love that I have never doubted or questioned these eternal truths. I am so thankful for the foundation of truth that was given to me by my parents and that I built upon as a child.
Last Sunday we had a lesson in Relief Society about having a sure foundation that we can fall back on when we are going through difficult trials in this life. The teacher was Jo Taylor, our ex-Relief Society president and my OBGYN, whom we all respect, and also enjoy because she is so unique. I like her lessons; her teaching style is different from anyone else I've listened to. She is very direct, almost harsh in her approach, but it's almost refreshing. She speaks openly, shares her honest thoughts even if they are weak, or unpopular. And she moves on from one point to the next, speaking very quickly, trying to share all of the content she prepared for her lesson which is probably 3 times as much as most people prepare.
Anyway! I found this lesson to be very interesting because it made me realize how blessed I am and feel very thankful for my foundation. Jo started out by sharing a few horror stories of people she knows personally, and even of her own experiences, of suffering and trials in this mortal life that seem unnecissarily cruel. And then she asked the question, "Have any of you ever felt so down/depressed, or that your trials were so overwhelming that you felt abandoned by God, that it caused you to question your faith?" She asked it in a way that seemed obvious that she had often felt this way and as if she expected everybody else to have experienced that feeling as well. She followed it up with, "Have any of you not felt that way?" and acted a little surprised when I raised my hand. Only one other lady also raised her hand, and she was the one to speak for us. She briefly explained that although she had felt down and suffered from trials, etc. she had never felt abandoned or questioned things, doubting her faith. That is how I feel, and it is due to my sure foundation. It is also due to a blessed life of comfort and ease, with no intense suffering or difficult trials so far. But I truly believe that if difficult trials come that I would still feel as I do now, knowing that my Father in heaven does not abandon his children, but cannot save us from trials and suffering, for it would destroy our growth and progress in this perfect plan of salvation, and it would completely destroy the gift of free agency. God will not interfere with men's choices and the consequences because he loves us, but I believe it pains him more than we comprehend to witness the cruelty of his children or the pain we suffer. This is a subject that I care about very deeply, especially since it is so misunderstood by most people. I really like Truman G. Madsen's words on the subject in his book 'Eternal Man'. I also love 'Four Essays on Love' and 'The Highest In Us'.